she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
