i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
