I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
