now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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