we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
