oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
