i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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