Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
