We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
