I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
