watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
