I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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