Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
