I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
