that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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