I want to have your abortion
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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