so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
