He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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