At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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