Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
