even my farts smell like vagina
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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