How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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