Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
