How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize