why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
