we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
