He uses pillows to masturbate.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My bed smells like the plague
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
