Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
