No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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