when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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