youre lurking in front of me
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
