There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
