Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
