No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
