I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
