You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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