I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
