but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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