apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
