Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
