its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
