but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
