Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
