I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
