69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
