God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
