No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Bring me that man meat
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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