your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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