So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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