Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
