The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
