Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
