Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
