remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
