Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
