If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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