Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
