I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
