I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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