You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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