Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
