I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
