well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
