D3 body, D1 cock
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
