Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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