Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
