Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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