If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
