i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
