Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
