I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
