??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
