There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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