If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
COCAINE IS GR8
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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