so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
