I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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