he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
