I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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