We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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