I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
