if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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