i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
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