I puked a lego.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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