he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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