i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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