I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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