Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
