i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Randomize
