I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
