you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
