Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
