Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
