i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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