Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
