matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
