So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
