Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
