I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
