I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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