Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
