they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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