I didn't shave. On purpose
i just had sex bonerless
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I will be naked everywhere
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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