obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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