yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
