i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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